The Day I called the Cops on God.

The day God wanted in, and I called the cops.

A few years ago, late, late at night, maybe 1 am or there abouts, there was a tapping on my door.

I was half asleep and my TV was on, so I didn't hear it at first. It got louder, but it didn't grab my attention until it became banging. 

Someone was trying to break in!!

Frightened, I threw on the first thing I snagged and grabbed the best weapon I could find; not my baseball bat, not my ski poll, not a knife... my TV remote!!

I approached the door. The pounding was persistent and I could see the door warp with each blow.

I was shaking, but I had my trusty remote in hand. "Who's There?" I screamed.

The reply came booming through the walls and door.

 "GOD!"

I was startled, and more than a little confused, so I asked for clarification.

"What do you want?" I shouted.

Again a reply boomed.

"To come in."

Perhaps I was too frightened and confused and still a bit groggy, but I felt sure, if it was God, he wouldn't need to pound the door down to get in. Surely he was all-powerful and could simply unlock and open the door, or perhaps pass right through it. I felt I needed to confirm his identity.

So, still confused, and hoping for clarity I shouted again "Who are you?"

Again, he repeated his original answer. "It's God."

Confounding my confusion I shouted again, " And what do you want?"

Now frustrated, he replied with angst "To come in..."

I shook my head and regarded my TV remote; it wouldn't be much help against any mortal being, much less God Himself.

I considered the time and, realizing I had on only an ill-fitting robe, I decided to refuse the Lord entrance to my house at what seemed to a very ungodly hour.

I shouted again, with authority.  "I'm calling the cops!"

God seemed very confused and answered back in a some-what meeker voice "What...?"

I stood firm, if still shaking, and shouted back "I'm Calling the Cops!!"

God seemed very dejected and dissuaded at this point and promptly left my stoop.

I did call the cop. They showed up soon after. They patrolled the area and filled out a report.

They didn't find God.

Nothing more really came of it.

My poor door had a few new cracks in the frame, but I was able to patch it up and reinforce the area with a brass plate.

God has not returned since then.

True Story.

In retrospect, he may have said his name was Rod, or maybe Todd, and he was probably a drunken college student at the wrong address, just looking to go to bed.