"Write a two to three page story that ends with the following sentence: Debra brushed the sand from her blouse, took a last, wistful look at Rebecca and stepped into the hot-air balloon."
Due date Oct. 20th.
I started writing and realized, by the time I got to the last line, that I have inadvertently used the right names for the wrong characters. Instead of editing the full story, I switched the named around in the final sentence. (Also changed the tense to fit with the formatting.)
Note: The formatting didn't transpose (copy/paste) very well, so please let me know if you're interested in reading the properly formatted script.
Hope you enjoy the read:
DARKNESS
DEBRA
Becca, you ok?
I started writing and realized, by the time I got to the last line, that I have inadvertently used the right names for the wrong characters. Instead of editing the full story, I switched the named around in the final sentence. (Also changed the tense to fit with the formatting.)
Note: The formatting didn't transpose (copy/paste) very well, so please let me know if you're interested in reading the properly formatted script.
Hope you enjoy the read:
DARKNESS
DEBRA
Becca, you ok?
EXT. SAND DUNES - MIDDAY
DEBRA, a young fit girl in her mid twenties hovers over the body of REBECCA, an equally fit girl, the same age, with an open head wound, bleeding. Rebecca blinks.
DEBRA
Becca, oh Becca...
Debra, gently brushing Rebecca’s hair, speaks in a gently tone to her friend.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
Debra, gently brushing Rebecca’s hair, speaks in a gently tone to her friend.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
Hang on Bec, you’ll be alright.
Rebecca moans and turns her head.
In the distance, an over turned dune buggy and the bottom of a steep dune. Scars in the sand leading to a rocky outcrop, evidence of the mishap.
One large boulder is covered in blood. Some others have blood splatter.
REBECCA
Rebecca moans and turns her head.
In the distance, an over turned dune buggy and the bottom of a steep dune. Scars in the sand leading to a rocky outcrop, evidence of the mishap.
One large boulder is covered in blood. Some others have blood splatter.
REBECCA
Deb...
DEBRA
DEBRA
Yes Becca, I’m here, I’m right here.
REBECCA
REBECCA
What... what happened?
DEBRA
DEBRA
The buggy flipped and fell on us, you got
banged up pretty bad, but you’ll be ok.
Just hang in.
Rebecca moans again and passes out.
Debra holds back a sob and brushes her friend's hair from her forehead.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
banged up pretty bad, but you’ll be ok.
Just hang in.
Rebecca moans again and passes out.
Debra holds back a sob and brushes her friend's hair from her forehead.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
(to herself)
Water...
Debra gently gets up. Her torn cloths show off scrapes and gashes on her arms and legs.
She makes her way back to the overturned buggy and hunts in the scattered debris until she finds a canteen.
As she turns to make her way back to her friend, the sun reflects off something shiny in the debris, and it catches Debra’s eye.
She lets out a happy laugh, when she identifies the item as Rebecca’s cell phone. She scoops it up and scampers back to her friend.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
Water...
Debra gently gets up. Her torn cloths show off scrapes and gashes on her arms and legs.
She makes her way back to the overturned buggy and hunts in the scattered debris until she finds a canteen.
As she turns to make her way back to her friend, the sun reflects off something shiny in the debris, and it catches Debra’s eye.
She lets out a happy laugh, when she identifies the item as Rebecca’s cell phone. She scoops it up and scampers back to her friend.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
Becca, I found your phone.
It’s gonna be alright.
Rebecca is motionless.
Debra flips the phone, but there is no signal.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
It’s gonna be alright.
Rebecca is motionless.
Debra flips the phone, but there is no signal.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
Hang on Bec.
Debra hold the phone up in the air and wanders around staring at the screen, looking, searching, hoping for a signal.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
Debra hold the phone up in the air and wanders around staring at the screen, looking, searching, hoping for a signal.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
(to the phone)
Come on!!
Rebecca’s eyes open.
REBECCA
Come on!!
Rebecca’s eyes open.
REBECCA
Deb?
Debra, hearing her friend’s voice, drops the phone and rushed back to Rebecca’s side.
DEBRA
Ya Bec, I’m here.
Debra kneels down beside her friend.
REBECCA
How far did we make it?
DEBRA
About half way. Another 3 hours and
we would have made it to base camp.
REBECCA
I bet it would have been beautiful.
DEBRA
Ya Bec, it sure would have.
Rebecca passes out again, Debra fights back a tear.
After a moment, Debra retrieve the dropped phone and resumes searching for a signal.
Phone in hand, hand in air, walking slowly, searching.
A bar.
She finds a bar.
She moves ever so slowly, keeping an eye on the one bar.
She dials 9-1-1.
Ringing.
DEBRA (CONT’D)
Hello? Hello? We need help. There’s been
an accident.
Crackling from the phone, then a voice. VOICE
State your emergency please. DEBRA
Yes, hello. Our dune buggy flipped,
my friend is hurt.
More crackling.
VOICE
(unintelligible)
DEBRA
DEBRA
Hello... hello??
She moves the phone to view the screen, there are no bars. She puts the phone back to her ear,
DEBRA (CONT’D)
Hello?
In anger and frustration, she slams the phone closed.
REBECCA
Deb?
Debra shakes off her frustration before returning to her friend’s side. DEBRA
I’m here Bec.
REBECCA
I want to see the dunes Deb.
DEBRA
We’re here in the dunes, they’re all
around us.
REBECCA
From above, I want to see them from above.
Confused, Debra gently pats her friend’s shoulder, trying to reassure her.
DEBRA
Ok, sure. We can see them from above, but first,
let’s get you looked at, Ok?
REBECCA
We can see them from a hot-air balloon.
It would be magnificent, wouldn’t it?
Debra nodes, chocking back her concern.
REBECCA (CONT’D)
We can go now, can’t we go now?
DEBRA
No, sweetie, not right now, but soon.
Rebecca’s eyes gaze past her friend.
REBECCA
Sure we can.
Debra turns to see what Rebecca is looking at, but sees nothing.
DEBRA
Shhh, rest Bec, save your strength
REBECCA
I think I have to go now.
Rebecca casually stands up and brushes past her friend.
REBECCA (CONT’D)
It’s ok, Deb.
Rebecca walks towards a brightly colored hot-air balloon, shimmering just past the over turned buggy
Debra crieS out
DEBRA
Don’t go, Bec. Hold on!
REBECCA
It’ll be ok, Deb. I have to go.
An shimmering blond-haired boy dressed all in white stands beside the balloon, gently waving Rebecca forward.
Another blond child is in the balloon’s basket, also motioning for Rebecca to come forward.
Debra, still crouched over Rebecca’s body, lightly shakes her friend. DEBRA
Becca, Becca, don’t go. Hang on.
Hang on Bec.
Rebecca turns for another look at her friend.
REBECCA
Don’t worry, Deb, It’s going to be
wonderful, I just know it.
She reached for the outstretched hand of the blond child and steps up onto a small foot stool.
DEBRA
(still holding her friend’s body)
Rebecca!
Rebecca brushes the sand from her blouse, takes a last, wistful look at Debra and steps into the hot-air balloon.
FADE TO BLACK.
Please let me know what you think.
Cheers.
No comments:
Post a Comment