Sat. Oct, 18th 2014

Was inspired by an image, and driven by a feeling.

This may speak to some of you, others not.

The sadness and despair was thick. The loss of a loved one can only be measured in tears and sleepless nights.  More so when that loved was your soul mate.

And so I found myself deep in the thick of a dark depression. No light entered my room, my heart, my life, even on the sunniest of days.

I didn’t go to work. I didn’t see friends or family. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. My body was shutting down, as was my heart and soul.

By night, I cried, alone in a bed I once shared with my true love. A place that once held such joy and passion and excitement and tenderness, was now cold and empty.

By day, I was so tired and weak, that sat and stared blankly at the walls. I didn’t answer the phone when it rang and I didn’t check my mail.

I couldn’t believe that the world kept spinning, that people kept living their lives, that the clocks hands kept ticking away the seconds.

My world had stopped.

Eventually, though, I had to rejoin the living.

I had to answer my mail and the phone and the knock at the door from family and friends.

It was all very forced and laboured, although I’m sure everyone was sincere with their condolences.

I began, slowly, to do ‘normal’ daily things.

I went to the store and bought food I knew I wouldn’t eat.

I agreed to meet up with my friend even though I knew my heart wasn’t in it.

I went for a walk in the gardens when I knew I couldn’t see the beauty of the flowers.

And I sat on the cold hard bench next to the flowers.

A bench I once shared with the one I loved.

The grass, the trees, the flowers were all invisible to me.

I saw nothing, only washes out shades of grey.

I slumped with grief and emptiness.

A butterfly floated by, landing on a flower close to me. I barely noticed.  It fluttered its wings to try to catch my attention. After a moment, it took flight again, only to land on my knee.

I couldn’t help but notice it now.

At first I felt annoyed, violated; how dare it intrude on my sombre state of mind.

Then it fluttered its black and orange wings, and I felt anger; peeved at this tiny beast.

It fluttered once more and took flight, hovering in front of my face for a moment.

I felt my anger drained as I watched it fly to the red roses, then over to the pink peonies. It rested a moment before it fluttered over to the yellow buttercups.

My anger and annoyance had disappeared, and for a moment, so had the deep sadness. The world’s colour had returned. The birds were singing and the wind was gently rustling the beautiful green leaves of the surrounding trees.

Beauty had returned, if only for a moment.

The black and orange butterfly continued its path and few out of sight.

The colours lasted a moment longer before slowly giving way to the grey of pain and heartache.

But I saw the colours.

And I heard the songbirds sing.

I now know they are still there.

So every day, I look for them, and listen.

Sometimes they are easy to find, and sometimes not.

But if I never forget that they are there, there is always hope.

Not sure what else to say about this one.

Comment if you like.

Cheers, and keep looking...